I am getting married in (less than) ELEVEN days. This is mind boggling to me. And also perfect. There are so many ways in which Dave and I are perfectly suited to one another, and I cannot wait to come home to him every day.
One thing I have always enjoyed asking my married friends is this: What is the one thing about marriage that most surprised you? So, if anyone out there is still reading this and is also married. What is the one thing about marriage that most surprised you?
I have been away from the blog, it is true. Things have been busy preparing for the wedding, obviously, but there have been other things going on as well.
I want to introduce you to Oliver Mastin, Ollie for short.
Oliver is the only son of Fiance Dave’s oldest and best friend. (Truth be told: Dave and Neil have been friends longer than I have been alive!) Oliver’s arrival into this world was long-awaited and greatly longed for. Dave and I went to the hospital the day Ollie was born and it was wonderful to celebrate his arrival with his parents, Neil and Bekka. He was a very wiggly boy, who did NOT like to be confined or swaddled.
As the week’s passed Neil and Bekka noticed that Oliver was not developing as he should. He wasn’t his holding his head up well and didn’t move his legs very much. They began early to voice their concerns to doctors.
At two months old Ollie was diagnosed with the fatal genetic condition of Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1. Oliver’s muscles have been degenerating ever since, slowly at first but as he has grown the degeneration has accelerated as well. Last month Oliver was put on a g-tube since his muscles are no longer strong enough for him to swallow food on his own. Eventually Ollie will no longer be strong enough to breath on his own and he will suffer respiratory failure. Life expectancy for his condition is less than two years.
Bekka and Neil have made it their goal to make Ollie as happy and as comfortable as possible during his short stay with us.
There is one way in which we can help Bekka and Neil focus on that goal. Oliver’s medical expenses have already maxed out their insurance, specifically the costs associated with his feeding and breathing machines. An account has been set up in Oliver’s name at the North Carolina State Employee’s Credit Union. It is our goal that Neil and Bekka will not have to spend hours on the phone arguing with insurance companies when they could be spending that time with their little boy. If anyone feels led to donate to Oliver’s needs, you can mail a check to Oliver Mastin, SECU, 6320 Capital Blvd, Ste 101, Raleigh NC, 27616. The credit union will deposit the check into Oliver’s account. Thank you for WHATEVER you can do. Every small thing is appreciated.
A couple of weeks ago my mom came into town to work on the wedding, and she brought with her an album of my old baby/childhood pictures. (We will have some cute baby pictures of Dave and myself up at the wedding.) We looked through the box at the various photos and I found the photograph of myself and my Ghost Friend.
Did I ever tell you that story? Here is how it goes:
My family went to Myrtle Beach EVERY SUMMER of my childhood and onward. When I was 6 or 7 years old I made a friend at the hotel pool. We would swim and wander around and generally goof off together.
One day we were all down at the ocean “catching waves.” She and I would grab the floaties around our middles and wait on a wave to catch up to us, when we would LEAP into the air and ride it into the shore.
I was telling her a story and not paying attention to the waves when she YELPED and I turned around and was tumbled end over end by a gigantic wave. I remember being afraid and feeling like I had been underwater for a VERY long time. I couldn’t get my bearings, but could see light/dark/light/dark.
When I finally got up out from underneath the water I ran to the shore and started looking for my friend.
She was not there.
I ran over to where her mom had been set up with their coolers, umbrellas, beach chairs, towels, etc. And there was no trace of any of them.
I looked for her for forever and looked for her for the rest of our visit, and even in future summers when we went back, but I never saw her again. But we still have that photograph…
I believe that, next to the wars we are currently waging, the single most important issue in the U.S. today is the discrimation faced by the GLBT community. I have said this before, but will say again that eventually history will look back on this time period and be absolutely BOWLED OVER that such discrimation was taking place in the year 2009. How is this possible??? And I believe that in my desire to be on the right side of history – the right side of what is RIGHT – means I have to do whatever I can to help end the discrimation.
As far as I can tell the most effective way to show bigoted people that humans are humans and deserving of their rights as such is to confront them with the humanity of those people they are fighting.
Ken Starr is attempting to file a suit that will categorically divorce over 18,000 couples who were married in the state of California last year. Family values anyone?! The very people who believe that gay marriage will destroy the family are HELL BENT on destroying THESE families – families that are different from theirs.
It makes me livid.
In response to Ken Starr’s lawsuit the Courage Campaign asked individuals to send in photos with the message: Don’t divorce us. It blows my mind that such a request must even be made.
So here is to the family. Let’s hope these families get to keep that status.
http://www.gladyshardy.com/
So, so, so tired. I need to go to bed five hours ago.
This has been the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week so far, but in the midst of all of it, my fiance has been AMAZING. He has made dinner, gotten groceries and kitty litter, given plenty of hugs and backrubs, MADE BROWNIES for my grad class, listened to me, and given wise counsel.
Which is all to say: I got the very best fiance in all the world. I am a lucky lady.
1. Do I really have to write it down? Let’s just say: January 20, 2009. Out with the old; in with the new. GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!
2. MAY 16th. MY WEDDING DATE.
3. When I get into the bathtub my kitties go and curl up on the bed, where they wait for me to get out so we can all snuggle together.
4. The song I will dance to at my wedding for my first dance with my husband.
5. I am quite excellent at playing the bass in Rock Band. I may never learn to drum, but I can strum.
6. We got somewhere between 4 and 6 inches of snow on Tuesday!!! This worked out perfectly and allowed me to stay home in order to watch the inauguration. WOOOO HOOO.
7. Lavender. I love lavender. I love lavender detergent, lavender candles, lavender body wash. Even actual lavender, the plant!
8. School. I love being in school so much, I cannot imagine ever not being in a class. My favorite part may be starting the semester with a brand new pearly white notebook. This semester I am taking Third World Feminism and it is going to be wonderful. I love it, and the professor, already.
9. Wine. I may have mentioned this before?
10. Comfy sheets! Nothing is better than comfy, extra soft, 800 thread count sheets!
What can I say? I am overjoyed. Yesterday was the most important day of my life. Barack Obama will not be perfect. He won’t save us all. The world is not suddenly puppies and rainbows today. But he will think. He will listen. He will examine all the sides of an issue before he marches into a predetermined decision. He will include all the voices of our nation, and not just the one or two he agrees with. It is no accident that he spoke to Muslims and nonbelievers, as well as Christians and Jews in his speech. We are so blessed to live here and so blessed to have such a moral, compassionate, intelligent new leader. Hail to the chief, indeed.
In the blue box to the left I have uploaded a story from The Moth. Listen to it. It will break your heart and make you more compassionate and hopeful all at the same time. You are welcome. And thanks to Jennifer Hixson for telling the story.
I haven’t posted in a long while, I know. That may have had something to do with finding out that my parents read my blog. Just. Maybe.
Also things have been busy and rather hellish for lots of people that I care about. Dave and I are both ready for this year to be OVER and a new, better year to be on the way. That would be nice. Because these last few months have just been very mean to too many people.
I am going to break a major rule of blogging here and tell you about my dream last night. Warning: THIS IS NOT A NICE DREAM.
I was in a large field, plains area staying at a house there. Over to the right of our house was a shed-like cabin that was completely closed up. Everything was gray and green, the grass and the cabin, and all the windows and doors were covered in black paper. I was very, very nervous around the cabin, but also curious and kept noticing odd happenings – mostly just flutters and odd noises.
I finally decided to break into the cabin and when I did I found a serial killer. A serial killer of children. There were bones and instruments locked into cabinets. The man came at me and tried to eat me. I shoved my fist into his mouth and began pushing it down its throat, and then I ripped his jaw from his head, killing him.
Is that a terrible thing to write? I have had dreams this vivid, and often this violent, for over a year now. They are not all terrible though. Some are enormously entertaining. Dave says they are better than TV! For a certain period they were only nightmares. Really, really bad nightmares and I would try to drug myself before bed so that I wouldn’t have them. Sleeping aids, wine, nyquil were occasionally used in my efforts to stave off dreams of rape and murder.. even dreams in which I WAS the demon, the murderer. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.
I don’t know if I have a point to any of this, but maybe it is this… since ending therapy, I no longer have NIGHTMARES of terrible, horrifying events. I still have bad dreams, but I don’t have anything like what used to be. And apparently now my dreams are showing me that I am taking back power in my life. Killing the killers may not be the most Care Bears kind of dream to have, but it means something, still. I think it means I am doing well. I am learning still more about myself and what it means to be me.
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