“Loneliness is nothing compared to compassion” – Haven Kimmel

And she is right.

Dave and I have had an extremely difficult two weeks.  We are both fine individually and together.  The difficulties are someone else’s story, but we are hoping to, trying to share the grief of others whose situation is unfathomable, unfair, and possibly the worst thing a human being can be made to experience.  In addition, Dave has suffered his own kind of loss which you can read about at www.likelystories.com.

It’s been a tough time.

If I did not know Dave I would not know about this situation and I would be unphased by what is going on in their world.  But I did meet Dave.  I met him and fell in love with him and with so many of the people whom he loves.  I have entered their community to share both the joy and the loss.  And I would not trade for anything in the world the ability I have to be with Dave during this time and to try to share this experience with him, in whatever way that happens.  It hurts like hell.  But I think this is what life is supposed to be about and what it means to be human.  I think this is what LOVE is about.

Barring a miracle, this current situation will be something that remains with us for the rest of our lives.  We would appreciate whatever thoughts and prayers you have handy not so much on our behalf, but on behalf of our friends.

For tonight I am making a fire in the fireplace.  Reading a book about the human condition as experienced by others.  Having a glass of wine.  Aching and hurting all over my body and my heart.  Hoping for that miracle.  Watching the cats stare into the fireplace until they fall asleep.

The One Who Knows

Time it was I had a dream
And you’re the dream come true
And if I had the world to give
I’d give it all to you.
I’ll take you to the mountains
I will take you to the sea
I’ll show you how this life became
A miracle to me.

You’ll fly away
but take my hand until that day
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job’s done, you’ll be the one who knows.

All the things you treasure most
Will be the hardest won
I will watch you struggle on
Before the answers come.
But I won’t make it harder
I’ll be there to cheer you on
I’ll shine the light that guides you down
The road you’re walking on

You’ll fly away
but take my hand until that day
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job’s done, you’ll be the one who knows.

Before the mountains call to you
Before you leave this home
I will teach your heart to trust
As I will teach my own
But sometimes I will ask the moon
Where it shined upon you last
And shake my head and laugh and say
It all went by so fast

You’ll fly away
but take my hand until that day
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job’s done, you’ll be the one who knows.

- Dar Williams

I Heart Rachel Maddow

All Life Is Sacred

“All life is sacred.  All life is sacred.  All life, in any time and in any place is sacred”

Unless you are gay.  In that case, not so much.

The quote above is a loose summary of Kansas senator Sam Brownback on NPR yesterday.  The conservative senator is arguing that the lives of the elderly and those in Darfur are as sacred as life in the womb.  Now.  If all life is sacred, what gives us the right to use the death penalty?  But that is another blog post entirely.  Right now I am hett up over the passage of Proposition 8 in California.  In Arkansas an amendment was passed to bar gay couples from adopting.

I have heard conservatives rant about the failure of the democrats to “value life” and I am angry.  A marriage is one of the ultimate symbols in our culture of what it means to be human.  The pursuit of love is universal, and for many that pursuit is capped by a public, legally-recognized commitment to the union of two lives.  To deny ANYONE the right to marry is to deny their basic humanity.  It is to deny their equality as fellow beings.  Their is no couching that these amendments are saying to the gay person or couple that you are LESS THAN.  You are without.  You may not participate in the rights we enjoy because you are different.  If the amendment tried to bar couples of different races from marrying, would anyone have stood for such blatant discrimination???  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  And that is exactly what this is.  Nothing short of a hate crime.

Conservatives argue, from their RELIGION not from the law, that to allow gay couples to marry would be to devalue the family and tear down the moral fabric of the country.  (They argue using the Bible, the same book that was used to justify slavery and the suppression of woman for hundreds of years.)  And what is the divorce rate again?  How is it moral to allow a child to remain in foster care, being passed around like an unwanted puppy, when a committed, loving couple would give their lives to that child and surround that child with everything needed to meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs?  Conservatives think this is anathema, obviously, and I can only assume it is because they do not actually know any gay people.  Does 17-year-old Bristol Palin stand a better chance of giving a healthy home to a child than a 35-year-old woman who has been in a committed relationship with her partner for the last 13 years?

I believe that the struggle for gay rights… the rights granted to EVERYONE on the basis of the fact they they are HUMAN… will be looked on in history as equal to the struggle of every other suppressed group.  What is shameful is that we live in the year 2008.  This is happening NOW, in our time, and we who fail to use our voices against these crimes are no less guilty than a slave-owner or an abusive husband.  The amendments against gay marriage will be revoked.  One day.  And I hope I am around on that day and I hope that I will be proud and not ashamed.  I hope that I will have done everything in my power to stand against the forces of fear and bigotry.

Yes, He Did. We Did.

History

For NOW, I got nothing except

YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Responding

A couple of the better poems I have written were both written as a response.  The first was in response to a news article about the Homo Floresiensis species and discoveries related to it.  (Click on the title to read more about them.)  The second poem was one of my favorite assignments: write a poem in response to a work of art.

Homo Floresiensis

Survival must have seemed pointless
just briefly, when the last male dangled
from komodo lips and you realized,
suddenly, that you were the last.

But perhaps the possibilities began to open
and you began to rule this small island
with affection, shedding temerity and
indulging in the benefits of island living.

How much sweeter is the fruit that’s
stolen from ancient enemies?
and how swiftly would your small feet
carry you to extinction?

But no one expected this -
when my tools chinked softly in the dust.
You’ve been unearthed – buried in
secrets and silence these few thousand years.

Coughed up from the earth’s silt
to change and challenge the Great Theory -
the surviving member of your species:
one single, strong female.

Alvaro and Christina, by Andrew Wyeth

Alvaro and Christina

The door stands out.
Bright blue threaded with light blond stitches,
Deep cuts furrowed by sharp claws.
Its frame weathered by time and feeble, tired hands
As if the pain were imparted, absorbed.

The tools are subdued
Grayed out, lying useless as the trembling hands
That once clutched them.
Dust gathers here, in cobwebs at home among the bristles
Of a skeletal broom.

What once dwelt here,
Never rich, but thriving, independent and beautiful,
Remains.  And it falls across you
As you enter, the way the light falls on that
Blue door.

Pyro

First fire of the year/season.  I am a bit… obsessed.  And also, utterly exhausted.

Not to belabor the point, but the classic definition of “introvert” is a person who loses energy when around crowds/strangers/etc. and gains energy from “down” or alone time.  An extrovert gains energy from being around people and loses energy when alone.  This sounds very much like a bad video game, but it is so true!  I worked a wedding on Saturday and spent Sunday meeting some of Dave’s friends and photographing his best friend’s family: new baby and grandparents in particular.  Sunday night I was useless.  I was completely drained and barely mobile.  Monday morning was no better.

But.  I voted.  Early voting in N.C. opened up several days ago and this morning I took a break to go vote.  I cannot put into words how much this election means to me or how much I believe in Barack Obama.  Watch this:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGraCrU_mR8&feature=channel  It’s not hugely dramatic or pointed, but it is one of the many reasons why I have given my money, my time, my voice, my prayers to Barack Obama.

Ok.  I am still REALLY tired.  I’m off to read and watch the fire and probably fall asleep doing both.

P.S. Here is a video of the rally Dave and I were able to attend with Barack and Joe, the day after the debate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQjlx_mCURs&feature=related

Rambling

Most, but not all, of the people reading this blog know that I am an assistant wedding photographer on the occasional weekend.  Most of you also know that I am an introvert.  Tomorrow I have a wedding to shoot in Wake Forest and I have already started to prep myself.  Deep breathing and all that.  It is the weirdest experience to show up as a stranger on someone’s wedding day and insist upon being there during the most personal and intimate moments of that day.

I think that I, consciously or unconsciously, begin counting down until time to go from the moment I arrive.  Because Gah! Strangers! Public! Talking! Gah!  I am not sure an extrovert can truly understand what the physical and emotional affects of being an introvert are.  Predominantly, it is exhaustion.  It also makes us kind of weird.

Having said all of that, tomorrow should be the best kind of wedding since we are going to be given full creative freedom.  Meaning I am free to take pictures of the bride’s eyes, a hand on a hip, hands tying bows, etc. instead of the more traditional straight poses.

I’ve been doing this for… 3 years?  Two?  I can’t remember now, but it’s been good.  Despite some bumps I have learned a ton about how to be a better photographer.  I love getting a shot that I know will thrill the bride and groom, or their family.  This makes me happy.

People hearing that this is my job ALWAYS comment: “Oh I bet you know EXACTLY what you want for your wedding then!”

I do.  I want to elope.

Eno

Apart from when I am with Dave, the Eno River is the only place in this part of North Carolina where I feel truly relaxed and at home.  Considering the mental, spiritual, and emotional benefits I receive from the river I should get over there much more often than I do.

And really the only reason I have for posting this is to share this photo, taken on the Eno.  My favorite of anything I’ve ever done, I think.